Let’s be real—when most people start a weight loss journey, it’s like they instantly become their own prison warden.
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“I can’t have a chocolate bar.”
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“I mustn’t order dessert.”
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“I shouldn’t go out for drinks with the girls.”
It might sound disciplined, but it’s actually one of the fastest ways to sabotage your own progress.
Here’s why.
The human brain values one thing above almost all else: autonomy—the feeling that we are in control of our choices. So, when you start stacking up restrictions, it’s not long before your brain rebels. You say “no” to chocolate for three days straight, and then suddenly find yourself ankle-deep in a family-sized bag of M&M’s, wondering what happened.
This isn’t because you’re weak, lazy, or lacking willpower. It’s because you’re human. And your brain doesn’t respond well to being told what it can’t do, even when the rule comes from you.
Additional Reading: Learn more about how to get past choosing not to do your new behaviors here: How to Stick to Your Long-Term Weight Loss Goals: Understanding Why You’re Not Following Through
The Cycle of Restriction and Rebellion
Every time you use language like:
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“I can’t have that.”
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“I’m not allowed that.”
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“I shouldn’t do that.”
…you’re reinforcing a story that you’re trapped. That your lifestyle change means giving up the stuff you love. And when that narrative takes hold, rebellion isn’t just likely—it’s inevitable.
It might happen after a few days, or a few weeks, but it will happen. And when it does, your new positive habits often come crashing down with it.
You don’t just eat one thing you “shouldn’t”—you go on a bender. One skipped workout turns into a week off. One chocolate bar turns into “well I’ve already blown it, so what’s the point?”
And just like that, you’re back at square one.
So What’s the Solution?
If you’ve been caught in this cycle before, you’re not alone. And there is a better way.
The answer? Balance.
Not restriction. Not perfection. Just small, smart choices that add up.
At the end of the day, the things that make weight loss harder are often the things that bring us joy—eating out, chocolate, bread, wine, social nights out. If your approach cuts all of that out, you might lose a few pounds quickly, but you’ll also lose your mind. It’s not sustainable. And if it’s not sustainable, it’s not working.
So instead of saying “No, I can’t,” try:
“No, but…”
or
“Yes, but…”
This simple shift can completely change your relationship with food and behavior.
Let’s say your usual Friday night routine involves demolishing a Terry’s Chocolate Orange. Instead of going cold turkey, try:
“No, I’m not going to have my usual Chocolate Orange, but I will have a small Freddo instead.”
Or when you’re invited out for a meal:
“Yes, I will go to Nando’s, but I’ll skip starters and desserts and just stick with a main and a zero-calorie drink.”
See the difference?
You’re not banning yourself from anything. You’re still engaging with the things you enjoy—just in a more mindful, manageable way. You keep your autonomy, your identity, and your social life intact. And you avoid that self-sabotaging spiral that restriction causes.
Over time, this “Yes/No, but…” approach will allow you to build in better and better alternatives.
“No, I’m not going to have my usual Terry’s Chocolate Orange, but I do love the citrus flavor, so I’m going to have a few satsumas instead.”
That’s not just discipline. That’s growth. That’s a brain that’s starting to build new, positive habits—not from shame or punishment, but from self-respect and self-awareness.
Additional Reading: Learn more about how to balance your diet here: Why Restrictive Diets Always Fail (And What to Do Instead!)
Small Wins Build Big Momentum
Every time you make a balanced decision, you create a small win. And those wins add up.
They build belief. They build confidence. And they prove to your brain that you can make progress without giving up all the things that make life enjoyable.
This is how you build a lifestyle you actually want to stick to. One that allows for chocolate, restaurant meals, nights out and all the stuff that makes life worth living—without completely derailing your progress.
Actionable Takeaways for Your Journey
Here’s how to start applying this today:
1. Catch the Language You’re Using
Start listening to the way you talk to yourself. Are you saying “can’t,” “mustn’t,” or “shouldn’t”? Every time you do, replace it with “yes, but..” or “no, but..” This tiny shift helps preserve your autonomy and reduces the likelihood of rebellion.
2. Make the Slightly Better Choice
You don’t have to go from takeaway to salad overnight. Just go from a double burger and fries to a grilled chicken wrap and small wedges. Small improvements count. Make the better choice—not the perfect one.
3. Create Your Own “Swap List”
Identify your personal temptations—chocolate, wine, crisps, bread—and start coming up with your own go-to swaps. You’ll feel more in control and less likely to binge.
4. Let Balance Be the Goal
A balanced life is a sustainable one. Aim to enjoy your treats in moderation, rather than eliminating them. Build in some flexibility. Make it feel like your life—not a bootcamp.
5. Recognize That Slipping Up Isn’t Failing
If you do go off track, don’t spiral. A single choice doesn’t undo all your progress. Just go back to making balanced decisions again. No guilt. No shame. Just forward momentum.
Final Thoughts
Weight loss isn’t about restriction. It’s about choice. It’s about finding a way of living that feels good and doable—not just for a week, but for life.
If you can build a lifestyle that allows for both discipline and desserts, that’s the magic. That’s when things click. That’s when change becomes sustainable.
And hey—if you ever need a hand, I’ve been there. I am there. And I’m building this journey right alongside you.
If you would like to walk the journey with me as your personal trainer, then feel free to get in touch here: Contact Me
Whether you are based in Leicester or anywhere else, I have the personal training services to get you to your goals!
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Or you can check out the online coaching business I run with my wife, Demi, where we provide tools for behavior change, nutrition, and sustainable fitness. Join us at Lifestyler.coach or check out our Youtube!